Selfish Bloggers

There’s no doubt about it — for most of us, blogging is a two-way street.  It’s about give and take. Sure, there are a few bloggers who don’t have to engage with other bloggers, but they are few and far between.  (And a little stuck-up, if you ask me.)

But after blogging for over 6 months now, I’ve noticed something else — the most important thing for some bloggers is the amount of hits or likes they get.  I’ve labeled these kinds of people as Selfish Bloggers.  Usually, they pop up around the time they’ve made a recent post. They will like one or maybe two of your recent posts, but they’re really not interested in what you have to say or what you’re going through.  You can tell by the posts they decide to like when they drop by.  They’re only interested in getting your attention so you’ll visit their blog to hear the latest thing they have to say.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting attention and to be popular, of course, but it can get a little irritating.  In the beginning, I didn’t mind supporting those who don’t support me, but now that I have some followers who have shown me what support really consists of, well, keeping up with Selfish Bloggers can just be… exhausting.  And this last pain hurricane has wiped me out.  Even though I’m exhausted, I’m also busy cleaning up after the destruction the hurricane left behind. Yes, the wind has died down, but the flooding hasn’t receded.  And it’s still raining.  For chronic pain patients, it’s always raining.

My blog is for all chronic pain patients, not just for me.  For instance, I don’t suffer from depression, but I know that a lot of chronic pain patients do.  I have never suffered from an eating disorder or bipolar, but mental illnesses are common in chronic pain patients.  I’m not a veteran, but I know that many veterans suffer from chronic pain.  I don’t suffer from fibromyalgia, but I know many other women do.  I’m not gay, but I support gay rights.  I’m not black, but I know that the drug war is mostly about racism.  I don’t suffer from drug addiction, but I know that some chronic pain patients do, and that finding treatment is hindered by discrimination and shame.

I learn about all these issues and post about them because they are all important to me.  But I know that to many bloggers, they are only side issues, holding little interest. After all, if you post about photography or food, these issues may not be interesting at all.  However, everyone is going to age, so the issue of chronic pain will likely become compelling at some point.

I give out “likes” freely because I believe it’s a form of support.  But I don’t need a like or a comment on my blog to be interested in yours.  For instance, if someone is talking about suicide, giving support is more important than being concerned about whether the support is mutual. But, as I said at the beginning, it really is a two-way street.  Otherwise, it’s just… exhausting.

Unfortunately, as a chronic pain patient, I have to be selfish.  I’m the only one around to take care of me.  I can only offer the support that’s left over after I try to take care of myself.  And while most people like to have a lot of friends and be popular, I just don’t have the energy to do that.  But I will always find the energy to support those who have supported me.  It’s called friendship, and friendship is unhealthy when it’s one-sided.

And on WordPress, friendship and support boil down to “likes” or comments (usually on a daily basis), not a weekly visit to get attention.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

30 thoughts on “Selfish Bloggers

  1. I do agree with almost everything you say in this post. I love getting comments on my work and I love reading other’s work as well, I feel I can learn so much about writing poetry just by reading others’ posts, the only and I mean only issue I have is that I don’t always have enough time to read and comment on everyone else’s work, not that I don’t want to but the more followers you have (I’m not complaining, I love followers!) the more post show up every day and I run out of time! So, to anyone here that I haven’t commented on your work on a regular basis, it’s not because I’m not interested, just don’t have time! I am going to retire in two years and plan on spending a good deal of time on here, I just love it!! Thanks to everyone and keep on writing!! Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.” John Lennon

      “Nobody sees a flower really; it is so small. We haven’t time, and to see takes time – like to have a friend takes time.” Georgia O’Keeffe

      Liked by 3 people

  2. You should get an interesting response here I hope. What you say is certainly true. When I follow someone I do so to broaden my awareness and knowledge about so many things. I am thinking of you now and I care.
    All the very best
    Kris.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I started this only three months ago or so. It was out of a crisis of sorts. My grown kids suggested I do it. It was a good exercise and a place for me to put some stuff I had scribbled over the years. I had zero knowledge about the technology and little expectation. I have been greatly suprised by the outcome to date. I have a little network of very smart and interesting people who I interact with pretty much in a daily basis. It is great fun and has brought meaning and grace to a part of myself that needed attention. I would continue to do this with them if I never got anymore followers I think. I understand what you are saying about some. It is a good indicator to me that while they are probably fine folks they may still be a bit shallow. I have found that I am not very interested in what they produce. I am enjoying getting to know yiur work. Be Groovy!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I totally agree with what you say. My dad is going through such pain due to severe head injury and I know how much it is important to know about such issues even if you are not going through one. And its really sad when people ignore the importance of such posts as they just care about likes & comments.
    I’m with you on this one.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I think it’s great that you have a platform to talk about pain, and many people can relate to that. It’s important because it’s a topic not often talked about.

    I agree with this post. I do agree that with blogging, there are many people out there who only seek us out because they want us to check out their blog. For me, I don’t mind if they do it in a subtle way. I enjoy checking out new blogs. But I more so enjoy people’s comments and dialogue.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. 😦 I really enjoy your blog. Are you mad because I wanted to see more blogs and didn’t want to stop partying? :/ Your blog is one of my favorites and I will continue to visit it everyday. ❤ Thank you for always reading and liking my stuff. I'm going to have to go find you in 'Burque one of these days! It's only four hours away from here.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. As I’ve said before, I truly enjoy most of your posts, and read just about every one when I’m on. I am one of those who is guilty (at least the last few weeks) of only being on near when I post mine, simply because of time constraints. But I don’t like what I don’t like, and I don’t read what I don’t like and I sure as heck don’t follow what I don’t like. So keep up the good blogging for people who need your voice.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks for the comment, Josh. Back in February, when I posted “New Mexicans don’t care about each other,” you were the only one who liked it and also commented. That was a really bad day for me… I won’t ever forget that, dude.

      Liked by 2 people

      • We all have our bad days (some of us more than others) and it my comment can help with that, that really makes me feel pretty great. Thanks for sharing that, as I’ve been having a pretty lousy couple days myself, and that really helped.

        Liked by 2 people

    • “Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference has never tried to fall asleep with a mosquito in the room.” Christine Todd Whitman

      “A bad day today just means tomorrow’s going to be better.” Me

      Liked by 2 people

  8. I’ve never noticed this before (the liking to get clicks), but then again, I don’t usually click on someone because the liked something of mine. I read everything through the reader or from the small bloggers list I have on Twitter.

    I do apologize if I have missed some of your posts! I try to get through everything in the reader, but I’m sure I don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m trying to use the reader vs. getting notifications via my email, it seems to me you have not been blogging as much? or am I not seeing them all? Anyway I am glad you posted and yes I felt a guilty twinge lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wasn’t trying to make anyone feel guilty. And some people are involved in other activities, like therapy or a writer’s workshop, that take up a lot of their time, so I understand. No worries. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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