I’m sad that I couldn’t be a part of the women’s march today, but thanks to the internet, I can still participate. As reported by Bloomberg, “The march is expected to be the largest grassroots inauguration-related protest in U.S. history.” These are some of my favorite photos (found at the links below):
WASHINGTON, DC (APP) — For the first time in America’s history, inauguration day brought rain — cold rain, sleet, and snow flurries, to be exact. It was like the dark, stormy sky was a giant mirror reflecting the grief of millions, if not billions, of people.
As reported by Seth Meyers, the sun was just another star that refused to perform at Trump’s inauguration. But the White House was ready, as we watched Governor Chris Christie marching next to President Trump to a song entitled “Heart of Stone,” protecting Trump’s hair from Mother Nature with a very large umbrella. An aerial shot of the umbrella uncovered Trump’s 2020 campaign slogan imprinted on it in bright red letters: “Keep America Great. Exclamation Point.”
Even though President Trump has vowed to slash government spending, that did not stop him from ordering a wall to be built around the inauguration dais to keep out the wind. Reporters were unable to discover the cost of the wind wall, but can at least report that it was paid for by taxpayers. Unfortunately for Trump (but fortunately for the internet), we discovered that even billionaires cannot control Mother Nature.
The argument over whether President Trump sports a toupee or a comb-over is finally over, thanks to a tiny bluebird that had the courage and audacity to fly past security. Some speculate that it’s the same bird that landed on the lectern in front of Bernie Sanders during a campaign speech last year, so the internet is calling it #BerniesBird. Trending on Twitter are hashtags that include #BBSavesTheDay, #BBImpeachedTrump, and #BB4President.
This enterprising bluebird first entertained the crowd by landing on the Bible during the swearing-in part of the ceremony, with undisclosed sources claiming it pooped on the book, while others reported that the bird actually pooped on President Trump’s hand.
Then, in a scene that appeared to be from the animated movie Snow White, friends of the bluebird flew into a circle around President Trump’s head, inspected his nest of hair, and proceeded to lift it completely off his head. It’s rumored that the Secret Service is still diligently looking for Trump’s expensive hairpiece.
After much consideration, we have decided not to publish photos of a bald President Trump. We do not wish to cause our readers any fear or anxiety, although the photos are easily found on the internet. We also discussed the fear that causes people to cover up the fact that they’re going bald. Even though stars like Patrick Stewart celebrate the natural look, we can only imagine the level of insecurities which would cause the opposite reaction. In other words, as reporters, we’re trying to find a little bit of sympathy for President Trump (even though he’s just a bald, bullying asshole, who oozes ego out of every pore and is surrounded by sycophants and uneducated idiots).
Immediately after the inauguration, President Trump’s lawyers filed a lawsuit against Mother Nature and Hillary Clinton, calling the inauguration debacle a staged event. At one point in the lawsuit, Trump suggests the bluebirds were actually drones that were sent, of course, to make him look like a fool during the inauguration. In response to the lawsuit, Hillary Clinton tweeted, “Trump doesn’t need any help to look foolish. How long is this bald billionaire baby going to keep playing the blame game? Sad!”
As we watched President Trump’s fake blonde toupee fly away into the moody skies above, it sailed past an airplane with a sign that said, “WTF?” Further investigation discovered that a group calling itself #WomenEverywhere rented the plane and sign for the inauguration. When asked to clarify the message, a spokesperson for the group said it wanted to express, in one word, what women all over the world were feeling today.
When asked about the inauguration debacle, President Trump said he was looking forward to the military parades scheduled for next month. “I’m thinking about having a gold throne made, so our soldiers can marvel at my awesomeness as they march by and salute my awesomeness. Think of all the jobs that will create!”
The only good news we have to report is that the internet rumor about free weed being passed out at the inauguration appears to be true. BuzzFeed reports that a group called DCMJ passed out 4,200 free joints during Trump’s speech. The latest internet meme shows some poor pothead accidentally lighting up Trump’s toupee, resulting in a hospital visit and a near-death experience.
On board I’m the captain
so climb aboard
We’ll search for tomorrow
on every shore
And I’ll try
oh Lord I’ll try
to carry on
Listen now and understand
She’s gonna find me some piece of mind
And if that piece of mind won’t stay
I’m gonna get myself a better way
I might rise above, I might go below
Ride with the tide and go with the flow
And that’s the reason why I keep on shouting in your ear…
TOKYO, JAPAN (Rueters) — Nintendo and The Pokémon Company have announced a new game called PokéTrump, available for sale on inauguration day, January 20th. The game allows users to locate and tag anyone within a 5-mile radius who voted for Donald Trump. For each voter identified, the user receives one trading card.
PokéTrump trading cards feature different sayings that Trump has made infamous, including “Grab ’em by the pussy.” Each card shows Trump wearing a different colored toupee, with names like BabyBlue, Orange Cheetoz, and Purple Infernal.
The most sought-after trading card is the GoldMan PokéTrump, which shows Trump sporting a sparkling gold toupee. Only a GoldMan can transform into a stronger species of PokéTrump and enter Trumpsterland, a process called backwards evolution. Once this process has been completed, a GoldMan has the power to lie, steal, cheat, and grab pussy without any interference from the politicians and billionaires who also live in Trumpsterland.
Upon entering Trumpsterland, a GoldMan must choose a country to run. He can create his own country, or if he wants to run a country that already has a ruler, the GoldMan must recruit an army to fight his war. He can fund the war himself, but almost all choose to obtain cheap funding from other groups or countries interested in upsetting the current world order.
Apps that can be used in combination with PokéTrump include Trigger, which sends an alert to your phone when Trump tweets about certain stocks.
WikiLeaks and Twitter joined up to create an app which can identify a Twitter user as a Trump voter, automatically exchanging the user’s avatar or logo in your feed with a selection of Trump buttons. So far, the most popular Trump button on Twitter is “I Voted For White Kanye.”
In response to the news, Donald Trump said that Twitter and WikiLeaks are “overrated” and “losers.” He also said that only kids play computer games, ending with proclaiming his intention to “dump” Twitter and start blogging.
“Play that funky white boy music”: A racist and/or 1%-er who is lying through their teeth. “There goes Trump again, playing that funky white boy music.” 🙂
I love this song, Creep by Radiohead. Others have done covers of it, like Prince. This is a good one:
But the only one that gives me goosebumps is this one:
“But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.” While I don’t think that I’m a creep, I think I could fit this definition of a weirdo: 1. an odd, eccentric, or unconventional person. I don’t think I’m unconventional, but compared to many other Americans, maybe I am. And I’m okay with that. 🙂
Tinnitus is the perception of sound when no actual external noise is present. While it is commonly referred to as “ringing in the ears,” tinnitus can manifest many different perceptions of sound, including buzzing, hissing, whistling, swooshing, and clicking. In some rare cases, tinnitus patients report hearing music. Tinnitus can be both an acute (temporary) condition or a chronic (ongoing) health malady.
Millions of Americans experience tinnitus, often to a debilitating degree, making it one of the most common health conditions in the country. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control estimates that nearly 15% of the general public — over 50 million Americans — experience some form of tinnitus. Roughly 20 million people struggle with burdensome chronic tinnitus, while 2 million have extreme and debilitating cases…
I’m sure that everyone who suffers from tinnitus hears a different sound in their ears. And it’s not like the sound always stays the same. But I was watching this video where the quarterback suffers a concussion, and the sound in the video (at 0:48) sounds just like the constant ringing in my ears.
It’s not like tinnitus is painful — more like uncomfortable. But it can also be quite maddening. Which is why I can’t fall asleep unless there’s music playing. And why I’m so thankful for music therapy.
Gun Violence JAN. 5, 2016 — U.S. President Barack Obama sheds a tear while delivering a statement on steps the administration is taking to reduce gun violence in the East Room of the White House in Washington.
“You’re only as sick as your secrets.” Carrie Fisher
There are many different types of pain. Really, the things that can cause pain to the human body and mind are endless.
But be warned: Don’t give your heart away. My heart is my own and belongs to no one but me. Because there’s nothing like the pain of a broken heart. Believing it’s your fault. That there’s something wrong with you. Believing you aren’t good enough. Not worthy of love.
I see this beautiful woman singing, with so much pain on her face and in her voice. I think almost everyone knows that kind of pain. I hate seeing people in pain, but this is a beautiful song and video.
However, begging a man to stay in your bed only hurts you, and it gives the man an awful lot of power over you. I admit, I’ve done it. I begged a man not to leave me. Thing is, he was never really with me, so of course my efforts failed, making me feel a lot worse than if I had just walked away.
Most pain has a purpose. Ignore it at your own peril. And learn how to walk away from anything or anyone that causes you pain.
Whenever I watch a music video where there’s a crowd, I’m always scanning the faces, looking for diversity. Seems like there’s quite a distinction between black people’s music and white people’s music. Do ya’ll think it has something to do with the way we dance?
I was listening to some 80s music on YouTube, saw this video, and thought: this is a perfect example of how white people dance. Like they ain’t got no rhythm. 🙂
I admit, I don’t like a lot of rap music. Is that because I’m white? I dunno. But I do know that I like me some awesome guitar riffs, like this:
My point? I like finding things that we all have in common, like music. But it seems like even with music, there are divisions. I was listening to a Night Ranger song and saw this comment:
Richard Breedlove (3 months ago) Ahh…The good old days: I was 15, I wore a cool black Member’s Only Jacket with stone wash jeans and an Izod shirt, I sported a mullet parted in the middle, carried my Harley Davidson leather wallet on a chain in my back pocket, Ronald Reagan was President and didn’t take s##t from nobody, Miami Vice ruled the airwaves, David Lee Roth and Van Halen were the bomb, and Night Ranger’s Sister Christian was #1 on the charts! Damn I miss those days! Damn….(sobs)
Funny, I don’t miss those days at all. Do you? To me, Reagan will always be the president who refused to deal with the AIDS epidemic. He’ll always be the president who introduced trickle-down economics, a theory that doesn’t even make sense. Didn’t take shit from anyone? I don’t agree with that, but even if it was true, is that the measurement of a great president? Oh no, now I’m thinking about Trump… Dudes, it’s gonna be a long 4 years.
When you suffer from chronic pain, every day is the same, whether it’s a holiday or not. It’s not like pain knows how to take a holiday. So, as an intractable pain survivor (and an atheist), do I have to celebrate Christmas? No, but I can enjoy watching everyone else celebrate it. 🙂
If you’re not in the Christmas mood, that’s okay, don’t force it. The holiday season is almost over. Mrs. Claus is already thinking about the new diet she’s gonna start next year. 🙂