Dear Dr. Forest Tennant

Even though Dr. Tennant will never see this letter, I’ve got to release some of this anger…

Dear Dr. Tennant:

About 6 years ago, after my pain doctor of 8 years passed away, I flew from Texas to California to see you, because I couldn’t find a doctor in the huge State of Texas to continue my treatment. After a few months of treating me like a drug addict, you abandoned me to a cold-turkey detox. Torture. Six days without sleep. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Dr. Tennant, I think you gave me PTSD. Nightmares of people wishing to do me harm. You should be grateful that I’m not a litigious person.

I know you currently treat other out-of-town patients. I don’t know why you thought I deserved to be abandoned, but I’ll never forgive you for it. Even now, so many years later, I’m still angry. I’ve been unable to let go of the hatred in my heart that I have for you. In fact, it seems to have grown.

You’re a very old man, Dr. Tennant. You’ve already tried to retire once. Tell me, what are all of your patients going to do when you are no longer practicing? Because I know you will be unable to find another doctor to treat all of your patients. I should know. That’s what happened to the patients my pain doctor treated — most of them were abandoned, while a lucky and chosen few were transferred to another doctor.

(If you’re a current patient of Dr. Tennant’s, I would suggest that you start looking for an alternative right now. Today. Do not wait until it’s too late and you have few, if any, options.)

I do not discount the amount of advocacy work you’ve done for pain patients, Dr. Tennant. You are well-known within the chronic pain patient community. But I have to wonder how many other patients you have abandoned, and how many will be abandoned when you are no longer practicing. And when a doctor condones and facilitates torture, I can’t help but lose all respect, not only for you, but for your whole profession.

Yes, I thank you, Dr. Tennant, for teaching me to hate doctors. For finally being able to turn my back on the medical community. For teaching me that the only way to treat my intractable pain is through suicide. After all, I didn’t think about suicide until you abandoned me. If you could do it, then any other doctor can do it, too. I’m talking about a total loss of trust. Thanks to you, I’m just sitting around, waiting for something to kill me.

I’m sure you had your reasons for totally abandoning me. To be honest, I don’t care what they were. I don’t care about your opinion. I can only be thankful to you for allowing me to finally see the futility of “treating” my pain.


What do I see? Take a walk with me…

Let’s start with some balls.



I don’t understand what’s going on with gas prices. I’ve seen a difference of up to 20 cents between different gas stations. What’s up with that? Why does the price fluctuate so much?



Speaking of cars, I had to buy a new tire this month. Not because I had driven 30 or 40 thousand miles on it, but all due to the heat. Major bummer.



In Houston, Texas, where I used to live, we didn’t have any credit unions. But here in New Mexico, they’re everywhere. Seems to me that there’s not much difference between a credit union and a bank — they’ve both got more money than me.


Be kind to trees. We need them.


This is a cottonwood tree. Their leaves shine in the sun, which my cheap camera doesn’t like to capture.


This is what a cloud looks like when it’s singing.


Here I am, trying to get a shot of the balloons last weekend, at the end of the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta.


Can’t see the balloons? Can you see them now?


As fast as someone cleans up the graffiti, it reappears.


Only lazy assholes litter.


I recently read that mice, given a mixture of an energy drink and alcohol, acted the same as if their brains were on cocaine. I’m beginning to think that mice aren’t really like humans at all. I suppose they have to use them for medical research, but the results shouldn’t always be applied to humans.


I’ve also read that the Iraqi Parliament just passed a bill banning alcohol, and it appears the Christians are upset about it. (I think they’re the only ones allowed to sell alcohol.) “The bill, passed late Saturday, imposes a fine of up to 25 million Iraqi dinars, or $21,000, for anyone violating the ban.” Maybe Iraqis haven’t read about the failure of prohibition in our country.







Does it ever feel like you’re stuck in a web?


I took this photo at dusk, while sitting at a red light.


Do you ever feel like a tiny ant, trudging up an impossibly high mountain? Or maybe just a tiny green bug, so much smaller than all the other bugs?


Flower power.


A Halloween edition of “What Do I See?” will be coming shortly. Please stay tuned.🙂

I don’t ever want to be treated by a Catholic hospital

While I remain disappointed in John Oliver’s take on the opioid war, I’m happy to say that Samantha Bee has never disappointed me. Her latest episode on the scary amount of mergers in the Catholic hospital system is something that also concerns me. But not because I’m personally concerned about reproductive healthcare — it’s end-of-life care that I’m worried about.

Under comments:

Sandra Nelson:  As a former Catholic, I say this segment should be broadcast to all females everywhere. The Church has spent a couple thousand years hating women. They just keep getting better at it. Buying up all those hospitals means that they have plenty of opportunity to cause as much devastation and agony for women as they possibly can. Ladies, wherever you live, find out where the nearest SECULAR medical facility is. Make sure your family and your doctor know that you will NOT allow yourself to be taken to a misogynistic emporium of misery masquerading as a hospital.

Michael Bamford:  How is it that more people don’t find it absurd that most of the time it’s men who make legal decisions and legislation about women’s rights? The Hobby Lobby supreme court case is a perfect example. ALL of the women on the court were in the dissenting opinion for that case because they actually realize the depth of liberty that’s being put in the hands of people who have no understanding of the issue. We need more female leaders.

Barry Kaine:  Couple of things… it seems like denial of aid by a medical doctor is a major violation of their Hippocratic oath, and a non-profit organization denying help based on religion is discrimination, and should cause them to lose their non-profit, tax exempt status.

Jessica Lee: And their federal funding.

What does cannabis withdrawal feel like?

If you want to know how a medication is affecting you, you can always stop taking it. Having to go without will definitely show you if the medication was helping or not. And it will also show you how dependent you are on that medication.

I use cannabis every day to treat my intractable pain. So, when I don’t have it, I go through a type of withdrawal. I get really sad and cry a lot, often for no apparent reason. I smoke cigarettes like there’s no tomorrow. My insomnia gets worse. I see no point in making any kind of plan for the day because I have no pain relief waiting for me. I lose my appetite, even for chocolate. I don’t want to eat because eating hurts my jaw joints, face, head, and neck. Don’t even try to ask me to smile.

After 3 or 4 days without bud, the sadness dims and is replaced by anger. I’m always surprised at how much anger there is inside of me, so closely contained, just waiting to burst free. Anger, frustration, irritation, and sometimes, even hate. I absolutely hated having to depend on a doctor for my pain relief, and it’s no fun now, having to rely on an underground bud connection.

Yes, bud helps me control my anger. It helps to manage my dark and suicidal thoughts. It puts me in the mood to find just about anything funny. It distracts me from the constant pain. It makes chocolate taste better, if that’s even possible. And it even helps me cut back on smoking cigarettes.

Even though I’m a non-violent person, right now, without bud, I could seriously punch someone. Being poor really sucks, but being in unrelieved, constant pain sucks more.

But is this withdrawal, or is this just my normal, painful state of being? If it is withdrawal, it’s not that bad. Doesn’t last that long. I’ve taken a lot of different drugs to treat pain in the past 30 years, and I’d have to say that the withdrawal from cannabis is no big deal. As long as I know that I’ll have access to it again in the near future, I’ll be okay…

But seriously, right now, stay the fuck out of my way.

In my search terms (Lyrica)

“How much pregabalin is needed to kill me?”

Is this a question about Lyrica or suicide? Unfortunately, I cannot reach out to the person who asked this question. But it made me curious as to whether someone can overdose on Lyrica.

Lyrica Overdose

Although it is not considered possible to fatally overdose on Lyrica, it is still possible to cause damage to one’s body and mind by taking more Lyrica than is prescribed or necessary. The symptoms of overdosing on Lyrica include:

Excessive mood changes
Increased confusion

Symptoms of Lyrica Withdrawal

The symptoms of withdrawing from Lyrica are similar to symptoms of withdrawals from benzodiazepines and other classified drugs. These symptoms include seizures, insomnia, nausea, headaches, and diarrhea…

This website has a list of reported adverse reactions to Lyrica:

Rated Lyrica for Peripheral Neuropathy Report

(10/17/2016) Been on this med for a couple of years. Gradually increased the dose from 25mg three times a day to 150 mg three times a day. I would say that yes it is helpful with nerve pain. But, I have gained 30 lbs, just like the dr said I would. I am so forgetful these days, and sometimes cannot speak clearly or in a fluent manner. Its tough. It has helped with sleep for sure. I would caution going cold-turkey. I steady and slow taper would be best,…as there have been times when I go without and have the most awful withdrawal symptoms. I have been through benzo and opiate withdrawal and this one takes the cake for sure. As a chronic pain patient I have benefited from this med. But I am worried on how much I depend on it now.

Rated Lyrica for Fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) Report

(8/23/2016) I was on Lyrica 600mg daily for 4 years. 4 years of absolute hell. took me six months to get off the drug, six months later I’m still nauseous, lightheaded and suicidal. this drug is a nightmare that offered no relief from pain.