The Best Burger?

I’ve been craving a cheeseburger for the longest time, so when this video popped up in my YouTube feed, I was like, hello there, lover!

I can’t believe that Fuddruckers hamburgers only got an honorable mention. I’ve tried most of the hamburgers on this list, and Fuddruckers has the best, mostly due to the awesomeness of their fresh-baked buns.

The walls of Fuddruckers have been saturated every day with the scent of baking bread, which you can smell before you even walk in. Everything is fresh, unlike at most of the fast-food places on this list.

And don’t get me started on their spicy fries and onion rings…

I think my neighbor is cooking hamburgers for dinner tonight…

Can you smell it? Because I can smell it. 🙂

#signsfrom #womensmarch

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/womens-march-signs_us_5883c27ee4b0e3a735698332?whdq5iq1kf2gvcayvi

Under comments:

Rose McMillan
My favorite one I saw was. IF I WANTED THE GOVERNMENT IN MY UTERUS I WOULD HAVE SCREWED A SENATOR!

Paige Harriott · Delivery Driver at Domino’s Pizza
I just saw a sign that reads “Melania if you need help blink twice.” 😅😅😅 I lost it!!

Caitlin McGurk Gardner · Physical Therapist (PT) at CPRS Physical Therapy
“Trump’s so vain, he probly thinks this March is about him…”

Melissa Ayres · Architect at U.S. Forest Service
A poster w Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia that says, “A woman’s place is in the resistance.”

Christy Taylor Goff · Works at Parkwood Hill Intermediate School
Fort Worth Texas represent: If you think we are mad now, just wait ’til we synch our cycles!”

Sharon Borror · Kindergarten Teacher at USD 470
My favorite: “65 million sn❄ wflakes coming at you is called an avalanche!”

Anna Finlayson
Vulva la resistance is fantastic. I think there is something everyone could take from “tweet others how you wish to be tweeted”. A certain president could perhaps think about that one too.

Teresa Zieminski-Myers · Office Manager at Gabel Associates, LLC
most impactful on me: “My assaulter has more in common with my President than I do.” -Women’s March, Oakland, CA

Corinne Wong
My favorite was, “Sexual predators are not allowed to live in government housing.”

Colleen Hannasch Haas
In Raleigh, NC: Vaginas brought you in to this world, vaginas will vote you out!

Jeannie West Jenkins · Owner at Lost Cypress Farm
In DC. VAG AGAINST THE MACHINE

Ryan Mercy · Camarillo High
I still love the sign from a PP rally that said “if I make my uterus a corporation, will you stop trying to regulate it”

Darlyne Miller · University of Southern California
Favorite from Napa CA: I wish my uterus shot bullets so the government would not regulate it.

Maria Costello · New York University
No you can’t take my rights, I’m still using them

Tina Mahan Antiorangesubhumanwalla
My favorite was….This is the only way Trump can make women come!!!!

Allie Rocheleau · Legal Secretary at Epstein Patierno, P.C.
“I know signs. I’m really good at making signs. I make amazing signs. Everybody says so.”

Krystalynn Kado
There was a little girl holding a sign here in Hawaii that said “Sugar and spice and deserving of rights.” That was probably my favorite.

Melissa Hymel
“I’m a girl, what’s your superpower?”

Heidi Hilliard · Senior Project Coordinator at Michigan Public Health Institute
Legalize Empathy

Valerie Fore · William B. Travis High School
I saw one that said “Trump can’t read!” I don’t know if I get the joke, but it cracked me up!

Kimberley Rose · Film Fellow at One Common Unity
We will trade you 1 trump for 10,000 immigrants.

Gretchen Whitworth
Colorado Springs: SO BAD EVEN THE INTROVERTS ARE HERE. I’m not an introvert, but some of my best friends are…

Mary Marceau · Registered Nurse at RRMC
Montpelier,Vermont, Does this ASS (picture of Trump) Make our country look smaller?

Constance Hanna · University of Pittsburgh
My favorite: White Supremacy is so 1933

Christine Tyrrell Harris · Highland High School
When they go low, we MARCH.

Maria Ballard · Graduate Researcher at Community Psychology
I will not be sent quietly back to the 1950’s

Joyce Vastola · Psychologist at Bronxville School
A Woman’s Place Is In Your Face!

Devonee Hendrix · Colorado Mountain
“If you take my birth control, I’ll make more feminists”

Virginia Slavin · Organizational Quality Engineer at Hewlett-Packard
I liked the one that said “Don’t MAKE me take my bra off!”

The Inauguration of a Dictator With a Heart of Stone

WASHINGTON, DC (APP) — For the first time in America’s history, inauguration day brought rain — cold rain, sleet, and snow flurries, to be exact. It was like the dark, stormy sky was a giant mirror reflecting the grief of millions, if not billions, of people.

As reported by Seth Meyers, the sun was just another star that refused to perform at Trump’s inauguration. But the White House was ready, as we watched Governor Chris Christie marching next to President Trump to a song entitled “Heart of Stone,” protecting Trump’s hair from Mother Nature with a very large umbrella. An aerial shot of the umbrella uncovered Trump’s 2020 campaign slogan imprinted on it in bright red letters: “Keep America Great. Exclamation Point.”

Even though President Trump has vowed to slash government spending, that did not stop him from ordering a wall to be built around the inauguration dais to keep out the wind. Reporters were unable to discover the cost of the wind wall, but can at least report that it was paid for by taxpayers. Unfortunately for Trump (but fortunately for the internet), we discovered that even billionaires cannot control Mother Nature.

The argument over whether President Trump sports a toupee or a comb-over is finally over, thanks to a tiny bluebird that had the courage and audacity to fly past security. Some speculate that it’s the same bird that landed on the lectern in front of Bernie Sanders during a campaign speech last year, so the internet is calling it #BerniesBird. Trending on Twitter are hashtags that include #BBSavesTheDay, #BBImpeachedTrump, and #BB4President.

This enterprising bluebird first entertained the crowd by landing on the Bible during the swearing-in part of the ceremony, with undisclosed sources claiming it pooped on the book, while others reported that the bird actually pooped on President Trump’s hand.

Then, in a scene that appeared to be from the animated movie Snow White, friends of the bluebird flew into a circle around President Trump’s head, inspected his nest of hair, and proceeded to lift it completely off his head. It’s rumored that the Secret Service is still diligently looking for Trump’s expensive hairpiece.

After much consideration, we have decided not to publish photos of a bald President Trump. We do not wish to cause our readers any fear or anxiety, although the photos are easily found on the internet. We also discussed the fear that causes people to cover up the fact that they’re going bald. Even though stars like Patrick Stewart celebrate the natural look, we can only imagine the level of insecurities which would cause the opposite reaction. In other words, as reporters, we’re trying to find a little bit of sympathy for President Trump (even though he’s just a bald, bullying asshole, who oozes ego out of every pore and is surrounded by sycophants and uneducated idiots).

Immediately after the inauguration, President Trump’s lawyers filed a lawsuit against Mother Nature and Hillary Clinton, calling the inauguration debacle a staged event. At one point in the lawsuit, Trump suggests the bluebirds were actually drones that were sent, of course, to make him look like a fool during the inauguration. In response to the lawsuit, Hillary Clinton tweeted, “Trump doesn’t need any help to look foolish. How long is this bald billionaire baby going to keep playing the blame game? Sad!”

As we watched President Trump’s fake blonde toupee fly away into the moody skies above, it sailed past an airplane with a sign that said, “WTF?” Further investigation discovered that a group calling itself #WomenEverywhere rented the plane and sign for the inauguration. When asked to clarify the message, a spokesperson for the group said it wanted to express, in one word, what women all over the world were feeling today.

When asked about the inauguration debacle, President Trump said he was looking forward to the military parades scheduled for next month. “I’m thinking about having a gold throne made, so our soldiers can marvel at my awesomeness as they march by and salute my awesomeness. Think of all the jobs that will create!”

The only good news we have to report is that the internet rumor about free weed being passed out at the inauguration appears to be true. BuzzFeed reports that a group called DCMJ passed out 4,200 free joints during Trump’s speech. The latest internet meme shows some poor pothead accidentally lighting up Trump’s toupee, resulting in a hospital visit and a near-death experience.

On board I’m the captain
so climb aboard
We’ll search for tomorrow
on every shore
And I’ll try
oh Lord I’ll try
to carry on

Meme Time

https://painkills2.wordpress.com/2016/10/06/meme-time/

You’ve been memed. Now, go meme somebody else. 🙂

Please Join Me For Dinner

It’s pizza night.

Tomato sauce, bell peppers, and mushrooms make this a nutritious meal.

Cheese is dairy and dairy is also nutritious.

Pepperoni has protein and protein is also nutritious.

See, it’s not hard to eat right. 🙂

Melania Dumps Trump

NEW YORK CITY (Rueters) — Rumors have been swirling around for months about the relationship between First Lady Melania Trump and Russian leader Vladimir Putin. Photos show them apparently making goo-goo eyes at each other on more than one occasion.

But now it appears that Mrs. Trump was just playing a part, taking a page from her husband’s playbook by using the art of distraction.

The latest news is that Mrs. Trump has been spending a lot of time with German-American billionaire and co-founder of PayPal, Peter Thiel.

Mr. Thiel announced that he was “proud to be gay” at the 2016 Republican National Convention, and in October, 2016, Thiel made a $1.25 million donation to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

But internet gossip says that Thiel is bisexual, and many just assume that Mrs. Trump has upgraded to a much younger and better-looking Republican. The couple is fast becoming known as “Ken and Barbie,” but some say that Mrs. Trump is using Thiel the same way she used Putin — as a distraction.

Others on the internet say there’s something between the First Lady and Kanye West. A source close to Kanye told HollywoodLife.com that Kanye had been in the process of designing outfits for the First Lady before he was hospitalized last year during an emotional breakdown. TMZ is offering five million dollars for a photo of Melania and Kanye, but so far, none have surfaced.

There’s even an internet rumor that George Clooney became a spy, infiltrated Mrs. Trump’s inner circle, then proceeded to romance her away from the White House — all in an effort to push President Trump out of office. If this rumor is true, Americans owe Mr. Clooney a great debt of gratitude for the painful sacrifices he’s made for our country.

When questioned, President Trump denied that he and the First Lady have separated, while also verifying that Mrs. Trump is no longer living at the White House and has no future plans to do so.

White House sources have described all-night “bachelor” parties in Melania’s glam room, which was initially used by the First Lady for “hair, makeup and wardrobe.” The First Lady’s make-up artist has said in the past that Melania’s complete beauty routine takes about an hour and 15 minutes, but sources within President Trump’s inner circle say that Mrs. Trump spent most of her time in the glam room, gazing at herself in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors.

Sources close to Melania say that, as compensation for ruining her body to give Trump another son, the prenuptial agreement between the couple was destroyed.

The rumor mill has also reported that President Trump has recently been treated for depression and herpes of the mouth.

This Podcast Of The Future was brought to you by #WomenStrike. 🙂

What do I see? Take a walk with me…

Hi, it’s me.

And I love trees.

I finally caught sight of my neighborhood woodpecker.

But he prefers to bang on the bark at the very tippy top of the trees, so I couldn’t get a good photo. (Stupid bird.)

A parking lot at dawn.

One huge cloud over the Walgreens parking lot (at dawn).

An eagle cloud flying over the grocery store parking lot (at dawn). (Dawn is the quietest time of the day.)

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ my mind
Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?
Signs, Five Man Electrical Band

“Best Hookers In Town”

“Women who behave rarely make history”

“I heart my wife”

“I heart guns and coffee.” (A case of copyright infringement?)

Monkey see, monkey do.

Is it live or is it Memorex? (Google it.)

I don’t know what a grassburger is (and I don’t want to know).

The next (insert famous artist’s name).

Flashes of pink.

December 12th.

January 6th.

Ah, fuck it.

It’s supposed to rain all weekend, with a possibility of snow and ice. Time for some homemade chicken soup. 🙂

Doctorate of Chocolate Degrees Available

Learn everything there is to know about chocolate at Caca University (formerly Trump University).

A top Chocolatier can earn $100,000 a year.

When you become a Chocolate Taster, you’ll love going to work. Every. Single. Day.

Be the envy of all your friends. Call Caca University today.

Take a bite out of your future. Call Caca right now. Don’t delay. (Discounts available for Trump voters.)

Trump to Start Blogging Because of PokéTrump

TOKYO, JAPAN (Rueters) — Nintendo and The Pokémon Company have announced a new game called PokéTrump, available for sale on inauguration day, January 20th. The game allows users to locate and tag anyone within a 5-mile radius who voted for Donald Trump. For each voter identified, the user receives one trading card.

PokéTrump trading cards feature different sayings that Trump has made infamous, including “Grab ’em by the pussy.” Each card shows Trump wearing a different colored toupee, with names like BabyBlue, Orange Cheetoz, and Purple Infernal.

The most sought-after trading card is the GoldMan PokéTrump, which shows Trump sporting a sparkling gold toupee. Only a GoldMan can transform into a stronger species of PokéTrump and enter Trumpsterland, a process called backwards evolution. Once this process has been completed, a GoldMan has the power to lie, steal, cheat, and grab pussy without any interference from the politicians and billionaires who also live in Trumpsterland.

Upon entering Trumpsterland, a GoldMan must choose a country to run. He can create his own country, or if he wants to run a country that already has a ruler, the GoldMan must recruit an army to fight his war. He can fund the war himself, but almost all choose to obtain cheap funding from other groups or countries interested in upsetting the current world order.

Apps that can be used in combination with PokéTrump include Trigger, which sends an alert to your phone when Trump tweets about certain stocks.

WikiLeaks and Twitter joined up to create an app which can identify a Twitter user as a Trump voter, automatically exchanging the user’s avatar or logo in your feed with a selection of Trump buttons. So far, the most popular Trump button on Twitter is “I Voted For White Kanye.”

In response to the news, Donald Trump said that Twitter and WikiLeaks are “overrated” and “losers.” He also said that only kids play computer games, ending with proclaiming his intention to “dump” Twitter and start blogging.

“Play that funky white boy music”: A racist and/or 1%-er who is lying through their teeth. “There goes Trump again, playing that funky white boy music.” 🙂

#WomenStrike

http://www.mic.com/articles/164657/women-won-t-just-march-to-protest-donald-trump-s-inauguration-they-re-going-on-strike#.vAJC8dFJe

And so, on the weekend of Donald Trump’s inauguration American women are going on strike. On Jan. 20 and 21, women will abstain from not just work, but domestic labor, in order to demonstrate the political power of women to shut down not just the workplace, but the home as well…

The strike doesn’t just support walking out from your job and preventing economic exploitation, but also disrupting unpaid emotional and domestic labor that women are expected to perform as default societal function…

There have been several recent successful women’s strikes in Europe. In Poland, thousands of women took to the streets for the Black Monday protest for abortion rights, and eventually helping to stop a potential abortion ban in its tracks. In 1975, a full 90% of the women in Iceland held a strike, and now the country’s women strike on Oct. 24 to protest the national pay gap…

http://www.womenstrike.org/

I pledge to not spend any money on January 20th and 21st, not at Walgreens, Walmart, Taco Cabana, or online. (If I had a partner, I would make him clean all day long, including scrubbing the toilet twice.) #WomenStrike

Wanted: Someone obsessed with cleaning toilets

Must be available once a week. Payment includes free baked goods and a smile. Cleaning supplies provided. Urgent. 🙂

If you don’t like snow, you might be an alien

Did you know that most aliens don’t like the snow? So, if you don’t like snow, you might be an alien. But there’s another way you can check to see if you’re really an alien…

Meet one of my alien friends (who doesn’t like the snow):

My friend tells me that aliens have two belly buttons: one on the stomach and one on the ass.

Looks like I might be an alien. 🙂

Funny memes will save the world

FoodPicsRUs

Bring your culinary creations over to FoodPicsRUs.

We can make any dish look delightful.

More than one background to choose from.

Props are available for an extra charge.

Impress your friends with elegant food porn.

My Dictionary:
OMFG: when something is so good, there are no words to describe it.

Urban Dictionary:
OMFG: a handy mnemonic for remembering the ingredients of a greek salad
OMFG: Olives, Mayo, Feta, Garlic

Are you lonely?

Sure, I get lonely. Doesn’t everybody? But it’s not something that bothers me too much. It appears that my intractable pain eclipses many things that might otherwise bother me.

It’s normal and natural to get lonely. Human beings are social animals. Why do you think Facebook has 1.79 billion monthly active users?

http://www.zephoria.com/top-15-valuable-facebook-statistics/

Talk about a crowd. How do users hear anything in all that noise? Anyway, if you’re feeling lonely, here are some links:

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/10-ways-cure-loneliness/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/66458-cure-loneliness/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201010/the-cure-loneliness

Even better, here are some things to laugh at:

You gotta love American humor. 🙂