http://distractify.com/humor/2015/12/25/landry-santa-tweets

rob delaney ✔ @robdelaney
What flavor vape oil are you leaving out for Santa this year?

Sam Grittner @SamGrittner
Every year for Christmas I ask Satan to cure me of my dyslexia.

♡Very Respectful Guy @SortaBad
If you don’t have a chimney Santa just bursts through your walls like the Kool-Aid Man

jomny sun @jonnysun
ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it
WIFE: well santas not real, hun
ME: [drops cookie] WHAT

Cliff Bleszinski ✔ @therealcliffyb
Based upon the altitude, speed, and open design of that sled Santa would be dead of hyopthermia after taking off.

Merry Christmas!

Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, “Looks like Santa lost his temper again.”

http://distractify.com/food/2015/12/25/beth-christmas-ornament-cakes

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http://distractify.com/fyi/2015/12/24/landry-hospital-christmas

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12 thoughts on “Christmas isn’t over yet…

      • First of all, I apologize for this being so long.

        You are very funny 🙂 You have Coping Skill Number 3. A useful skill ignored by the disabled:) I’m disabled. Though your story makes me want to rip the heads off of certain doctors for their duplicity. They are like politicians. This year, breastfeeding is a good thing, next year a company will be giving them free samples to pimp to their pregnant and post natal patients, so breastfeeding is bad. Then, the next year, a surprising amount of babies will have food allergies. Then they will blame parents for exposing babies to pesticides in their food. No, no, I have no experience with this (sarcasm,) I’m not a study, so what I say has no validity. Unless I give birth to a village (I’ve stopped at 4 children) I just have experienced some type of life flukes. I’m joking, but I’m not really. Does that make sense?

        I understand your plight. I’m not going to say I feel your pain, because it is not true. My pain is not chronic, though my conditions are I’m finding. It can be excruciating and I have not learned my new limits of activity, but falling and seizures are telling me something is going haywire in my body (duh,) though 5 doctors all have opinions. I think my medical cocktail has gone awry canceling each other out, actually, I’m sure it has, but I’m getting stonewalled.

        New doc told me to get off my cocktail, but won’t help me and I’m being treated like some kind of addict, because I followed old doc instructions to keep me functional. I just don’t want to get committed when I go into withdrawal because I might start wanting to hurt myself as a side effect of withdrawal. Then I could get pink slipped, then I have to fight in court to get out of a mental hospital that does not have my best interest in mind what so ever. They told me I was faking my seizures, the doctor asked me if I was possessed. Cause, that’s fun right. I just wanted to see my children and get the hell out of la-la-land. The land of crayons and markers.

        I’d like to lock them all in a room and make them talk about my body so they can fix me. Is that too much to ask? My depression is chronic, my anxiety and panic levels have peaked this year at a new 12 year high, my arthritic degeneration is not that bad, I’ve been told, but it hurts like some one is trying to give birth through my tailbone. My psycho-therapist is amazed that I’m still functional. Functional, huh.

        I’m in the middle of writing a blog post (it’s a sarcastic letter) about the war against the prescription drug epidemic, that was caused by doctors, though doctors in the county I just moved to want nothing to do with helping the patients who need the medication or want to taper off the medication. While I live in a state that voted against medical marijuana, I just want to be able to walk without falling over, or screaming from muscle spasms at 2 in the morning, or sleep without five pillows in a monster prop.

        Liked by 1 person

        • You don’t ever need to apologize for the length of your comments. I’m always happy to read the stories of other pain patients. And while our pain levels may be different, that doesn’t mean your pain is any less than mine. I’m lucky that I don’t suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, but it can get pretty cold and dank here in the prison that my body has become.

          Thought you might be interested in this post:

          https://painkills2.wordpress.com/2015/12/10/i-didnt-know-i-was-having-seizures/

          Liked by 1 person

        • I just fell and hit my head on the floor a couple weeks ago, no blood just noggin to thin carpet. I’ve been falling though since August. I have over the years walked into ceiling beams, door jambs, whacked my head on steel doors (low overhead alert I’m tall) on car hatches. No serious injuries just saw stars then kept moving. I really was hoping my anti anxiety (also seizure) meds I was taken off of while in the hospital was the cause of the seizures. The head injury happened when I just over exerted myself and blacked out and fell backward to the floor. The week before I did the same thing, but in a field on grass before I fell though I had a muscle spasm from lower back up to my head, I felt it happening (extreme pain,) so I backed up away from the truck, stone and asphalt and went down in the grass.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, I know, I only saw the stars upon impact with beams, door frames, etc. The walking and balance problems I attributed to my degenerative arthritis flare ups, back hip weakness, muscle spasms and pain. I have morning ocular migraines, but no real migraines unless I’ve had a seizure. I’m politely screaming for help while looking for competent doctors near my house now that I can’t drive. I only black out after too much exertion, triggering pain, stuttering, slurring, dragging a leg, then I’m out. No, this is not normal. It’s hard to say about my balance because my hips are no longer stable. Shopping is out of the question. I’ve already fallen down in one parking lot too many. I’m fighting to get scheduled for an EEG, https://metalflowermaker.wordpress.com/2015/12/29/wait-a-minute/ I see a neurologist on Tuesday, have biofeedback on my back on next Thursday and I’m tapering my meds without guidance slowly. I’m off my narcotics and off my amphetamines (which were causing a red dye reaction-creepy hysterical laughter) I have the attention span of a newt. AFU but I can write, just can’t move much. I managed to shift my scoliosis, my lumbar back no longer touches my inversion table. I need an adjustment. I just need to make it to next year. Only thing still strong are my arms.

          Liked by 1 person

        • You probably already know this, but I’d just like you to keep in mind that most medical knowledge is about white people. White men, even. So, whatever the test results turn out to be, they will be biased towards this group. Researchers have only recently begun including different races in studies, but it will be years before we see the results of this process. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if a doctor says you are suffering from a certain condition, he could easily be wrong, because you’re not white or male.

          Liked by 1 person

        • This fun I’m having is just too much. I’d like it to stop. Yeah, it took me a while to realise that equality is not something that is rampant in this great country. My divorce from a white male was special. Why should my medical treatment be anything less. Unless, I demand respect, fair treatment (that should be a given but isn’t) and a doctor who can read.

          I’ll see what I can do about asking my fairy godmother about turning me into a white male 🙂 just for this EEG.

          Liked by 1 person

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