The last time I visited Daffy the Duck, I was empty-handed:
This time, I brought pretzels (fried bread)…
Me: Hey, dude, how are you doin’?
DD: Did you come bearing gifts ?
Me: Of course, here, catch! (FYI: Ducks aren’t good at catching pretzels, or really, even finding them once they land.)
Me: So, who’s your friend?
DD: Oh, that’s just my younger cousin. She’s always following me around…
Me: Brrrrr, are you cold, or do your feathers keep you warm?
DD: Well, I grew up at the North Pole, so I’m used to the cold.
Me: The North Pole? Do you know Santa Claus?
DD: Of course, everyone knows Santa. But most people don’t know that when Santa was young, he was also very skinny. In the olden days, there wasn’t (weren’t?) very many people on Earth, and Santa’s sleigh was a lot smaller — more like a snowboard. And in the beginning, it was ducks and other birds that pulled Santa’s sleigh, not reindeer.
Me: Wow, you were one of Santa’s ducks?
DD: No, but I had friends and relatives who worked for Santa, including the lead bird who pulled the sleigh. His name was Oscar the Ostrich.
Me: Wait a minute, an ostrich can’t fly…
DD: They can at the North Pole.
Me: So, do you have any dirt on Santa?
DD: Not dirt, per se, but did you know he was gay? (Ducks can rhyme, too.)
Me: Really? How do you know?
DD: A long time ago, a reporter mistook Santa’s housekeeper as his wife, and the myth was born. Mrs. Claus is really Sandra Cloud, a Native American Indian. Nice lady, but her and Santa aren’t really married. Didn’t you ever wonder why there were no little Clauses?
Me: Well, now that I know Santa is gay, I might change my mind about celebrating Christmas…
DD: Then, Merry Christmas!
Thank you, amigos and amigas, for visiting my blog on Christmas Day. 🙂