Please Join Me For Dinner

I suppose bologna is not too good for me, but it sure tastes good.

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Especially with lots of mayo.

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It’s like a flat hot dog.

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And it’s cheap.

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I usually smash a sandwich like this into a pancake so that it’s easier for me to eat, but I waited to do the full smush routine until after I took these photos. As always, I’m here to entertain you, and your needs come first.

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I think the bologna is smiling at you. πŸ™‚

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Bologna and mayo on a stuffing bun. Yum.

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We’re getting married tomorrow.

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If my sandwich will have me…

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Okay, if that’s the way you want it. Prepare to disappear. πŸ™‚

Bird’s-Eye View

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“Got a problem? Change your view. Try standing on your head.” Me

“Everything looks upside down when you’re standing on your head.” Contrary Me

“Be nice to birds or you could be the victim of future retaliation.” Birds of the world

In my search terms

What does a person mean by saying “dude you bumming me out”?

It means, dude, you’re bringing me down. Ruining my party. Making me face reality. Making me sad. It’s hard to believe that anyone who speaks English doesn’t know what this means. But I find it amusing that whoever asked this question was directed to my blog. πŸ™‚

The Duck Mannequin Challenge

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mannequin_Challenge

Adele

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Garth Brooks

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Paul McCartney

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Anaheim Ducks (hockey team)

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Taylor Swift

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Simone Biles (USA Gymnastics)

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FOX NFL Sunday

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Dancing With The Stars

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Saturday Night Live

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The Boston Pops

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Alabama Department of Corrections

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Simon Cowell (The X Factor UK)

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Rae Sremmurd (see above YouTube video)

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I’m not sure I understand the allure of the mannequin challenge, but yes, all these people have done it. Hope you had fun at the Duck Mannequin Challenge. πŸ™‚

(If you’re interested in the lyrics of the song, go here: Β http://genius.com/10249799)

Chocoholic

Wikipedia: Β A chocoholic is a person who craves or compulsively consumes chocolate. There is some medical evidence to support the existence of actual addiction to chocolate. However, the term is mostly used loosely or humorously to describe a person who is inordinately fond of chocolate…Β Even scientists who doubt the existence of true addiction agree that chocolate craving is real. Women are especially affected.

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Hi, my name is Johnna and I’m a chocoholic. And I blame it all on my female genes. πŸ™‚

Deciphering The Language Of Ducks

When you mean business.

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Staring contest.

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Mannequin challenge.

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Playing submarine.

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Playing hide-and-seek.

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A quiet moment.

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Asleep on my feet.

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Dreaming of appearing on Duck Dynasty.

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The next morning, thinking of New Year’s resolutions…

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Bread is bad for me?

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Maybe I should go on a diet…

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Diets suck.

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Thinking of bread…

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Long live bread.

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Mother and son.

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Stop following me.

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I said, stop following me.

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Have you seen Pulp Fiction?

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Go ahead, jump!

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I should be a model.

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Dry skin is no fun.

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Sprinkled with fairy dust.

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Brought to you by the Ducks of UNM. Quack. πŸ™‚

When pets go bad

It’s raining outside, so it’s time for some pet therapy.

Sometimes I think cats and dogs can understand English. When the owners ask their pets, “What did you do?”, I keep thinking that one of them is really going to answer (in English). The dog with his head caught in the pizza box (at 6:23) is hilarious. πŸ™‚

Trump’s Mandatory Bidets

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NEW YORK CITY (Rueters) — While president-elect Trump impatiently waits to take office, he’s making what he calls Presidential Proclamations (PPs). As detailed in Trump’s Twitter feed, “#PP1 is #MakeAmericaGreatAgain, #AmericaFirst, and #MadeInTheUSA, jobs, jobs, jobs.”

Trump’s second proclamation is allegedly tied to #PP1. He said he’ll mandate the addition of bidets in every public bathroom, from schools and airports to hospitals and prisons, creating thousands of jobs all across the country.

When speaking to reporters about #PP2 after his stop in Alabama this weekend for #ThankYouTour2016, Trump said that he loves bidets and knows every American will also love them. He went on to say that bidets are more sanitary than toilet paper and have been mandatory in Italy, Spain, and “some other country” (Portugal) since the 1970s.

“Americans will not only save money on toilet paper, bidets are also good for the environment,” said Kellyanne Conway, Trump surrogate and former pageant winner. This appears to be the first time Ms. Conway has ever spoken about the environment.

In North America, an estimated 36 billion rolls of toilet paper are used each year, and bidet use has been shown to drastically reduce the need for toilet paper.

Conway went on to say that Trump is a shareholder in a bidet manufacturing company with branches in China and Russia called #PussyRiotCleaner. He’s currently in negotiations to open a bidet plant in the U.S., although a location has yet to be determined.

Ms. Conway said there will be a contest open to the public to win the location of this plant and that further details would be announced sometime in the future.

Bill Gates, another shareholder in #PussyRiotCleaner, applauded #PP2, echoing Trump and Conway’s comments about bidets being good for the environment. Gates went on to say that, “Trump is a great guy, really. We’re gonna make lots of money together, all for the good of the American public.”

“This is a win-win situation for Americans and billionaires,” said former president Bill Clinton, another shareholder in Trump’s bidet company.

“I absolutely loved the bidet in the White House, used it all the time, couldn’t get enough of it,” said Mr. Clinton.

Former president George W. Bush said in an email that he’s currently working on a trio of paintings prominently featuring bidets.

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http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/10/dont-americans-use-bidets/

Appearance isn’t everything

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Will you look at this poor excuse for a cake? Looks like I sat on it.

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If you saw this cake in the store, you probably wouldn’t buy it. It would sit on the shelf, all lonely and depressed, until someone came along and threw it away. All because it looks kinda sad and pathetic.

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You wouldn’t know how awesome this cake is until you tasted it yourself. And you wouldn’t taste all the ingredients that went into making this deliciously rich cake (like buttermilk), because all the ingredients work together in the background to compliment the most important ingredient (chocolate).

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No, this cake doesn’t look like much, but looks can be deceiving. It tastes like a chocolate buttermilk pancake, all moist and soft, with ganache on top. (Like, if you look up the word “moist” in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of this buttermilk chocolate cake.)

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After I took these photos, I added ice cream and Hershey’s syrup, because chocolate rules. It always has and it always will. Sure, it’s nice to have a burger and fries sometimes, but chocolate is for whenever… whenever I decide I want it. πŸ™‚

Here’s the recipe:

http://www.thepaperseed.com/?p=266

Bun Art

Cornered

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Stick Out Your Tongue

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Sly As A Fox

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WTF Is The Butter?

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Grumpy

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Watching Butter Melt

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Still Watching Butter Melt

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Might Watch Butter Melt All Day Long

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Bun Pyramid

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Heavy Load

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Found An Onion

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These are called Stuffing Buns, because the recipe includes a mixture of onions, celery, and poultry seasoning, which makes them taste like stuffing. Seriously. They taste really good and they’re as soft as a pillow. A pillow made of bread. πŸ™‚

http://www.laurainthekitchen.com/recipes/stuffing-buns/?fp=1

FedEx Scam

From: danny.rosen@btfgaslinesafety.org (FedEx Station Management)
Re: FedEx parcel #0000314934 delivery problem

Dear Customer,

Your item has arrived at December 07, but our courier was not able to deliver the parcel.

Please check the attachment for details!

Thank you for making business with us,
Danny Rosen,
Station Agent.

Maybe if you live on Mars and have never had a delivery from Federal Express, you might be tempted to click on the attachment. However, 98% of people do know how FedEx operates, so either the scammers are getting dumber, or they just don’t care anymore.

Happy Holidays, Mr. Russian Scammer. May you get a better job in the new year. πŸ™‚

Neapolitan

From Urban Dictionary:

Napoleon Ice Cream: Β An ice cream consisting of three segregated flavours of vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate, and is quite possibly the best ice cream ever conceived. The use of Napoleon over the word neapolitan (the official name of the ice cream) is a much more chic way of referring to it.

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Am I always thinking about food? Could be. πŸ™‚

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