Researchers Announce They Don’t Have Heart To Reveal What Will Happen To 1 In 5 Women

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—Having difficulty looking gathered members of the press in the eye, researchers from the University of Virginia announced at a news conference Wednesday that they didn’t have the heart to reveal what a recent study determined will happen to one in five women in the U.S. “You really don’t want to know what our findings say 20 percent of all women are likely to experience in their lifetime—you’ve just got to trust us on this,” said lead researcher Simon Hart, taking a deep breath and struggling to keep himself composed, before adding that compiling and analyzing data from a survey of over 1,000 women across the country had left him and his colleagues “a little messed up.”

“If I could, I would erase from my mind every one of the results that our research team uncovered. It’s just…I…I just don’t have it in me to say what we concluded. For your sake, I think we’ll keep that to ourselves. Excuse me.” A teary-eyed Hart then reportedly walked off stage, called his wife and daughter, and told them he loved them very, very much.

Sometimes I wish I had a category called “Hysterically Funny Stuff. Seriously, Click On This Right Now. Don’t Waste Any Time. Now, Dammit! Now!” 🙂

Study: Access to Medical Marijuana Associated With Decline in Obesity

Study: Access To Medical Marijuana Associated With Decline In Obesity

For those age 35 or older, authors determined that the passage of medical cannabis laws is “associated with an increase in physical wellness and frequent exercise consistent with the hypothesis of some medicinal use of marijuana.” For younger adults, researchers theorized that obesity declines were the result of less alcohol use…

Sometimes, bud causes the munchies. And sometimes, it can help you diet and forget about food. That’s my Bud:  good for just about anything. 🙂

Airplane Farts

In recent years, airplane crashes have killed about a thousand people annually, whereas plane emissions kill about ten thousand people each year, researchers say.

Earlier studies had assumed that people were harmed only by the emissions from planes while taking off and landing. The new research is the first to give a comprehensive estimate of the number of premature deaths from all airline emissions.

“We found that unregulated emissions from [planes flying] above 3,000 feet [914 meters] were responsible for most of the deaths,” said study leader Steven Barrett, an aeronautical engineer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge.

Airplane exhaust, like car exhaust, contains a variety of air pollutants, including sulfur dioxide and nitrogen oxides.

(Related: “Pollution Can Change Your DNA in 3 Days, Study Suggests.”)

Many of these particles of pollution are tiny, about a hundred millionths of an inch wide, or smaller than the width of a human hair.

So-called particulate matter that’s especially small is the main culprit in human health effects, especially since the particulates can become wedged deep in the lung and possibly enter the bloodstream, scientists say…

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If you’ll forgive an extension to the “frying the planet” metaphor, generating global warming with CO2 is equivalent to slow-cooking the earth in a cast-iron skillet, whereas cooking the planet with vapour trails would be more like flash-frying it in an extra-hot wok…

(Photos taken yesterday.)

Anger Hangover

Everybody’s pain is unique. Most of my pain comes from my jaw joints, and throughout the years, it has exploded to encompass my whole head and upper body. The average head weighs about 10 pounds, yet mine feels like it weighs 100. (I might be exaggerating here.) But one of the hardest things to manage is controlling my emotions — from smiling and laughing, to anger and pain. All of these emotions are transferred to the muscles and nerves in my face, and for me, these are the areas that cause the most pain.

An anger hangover is similar to a smile hangover — it’s a work-out for the painful muscles in my face. And the recent tussles with my apartment manager have given me quite an anger hangover. I really hate it when I’m pushed past my emotional limits, at least with the anger side of the equation. I usually don’t regret my smile hangovers. 🙂

But as many times as I tell myself that there is nothing worth getting angry over and suffering this additional pain, my emotions are in control, the roller coaster ride begins, and I am left with a hangover. I’ve had my share of alcohol and drug hangovers, and as much as I like to use comparisons, I’m not sure I have one that better illustrates anger and smile hangovers. I think this information helps:

There are 43 muscles in the face, most of which are controlled by the seventh cranial nerve (also known as the facial nerve). This nerve exits the cerebral cortex and emerges from your skull just in front of your ears. It then splits into five primary branches: temporal, zygomatic, buccal, mandibular and cervical. These branches reach different areas of the face and enervate muscles that allow the face to twist and contort into a variety of expressions…

One of the comments on the CDC’s website was from a TMJ patient, someone whose desperation appears to have forced her into extreme treatments. I say extreme because I was lucky enough to escape from the medical industry with just one surgery, while others have stories like these:

Comment from Theresa Schramm

After 32 years of dealing with temporomandibular joint pain and dysfunction, I had both of my jaw joints replaced and all of my remaining natural teeth pulled earlier this year. The TMJ dysfunction has improved, and is still improving as I slowly get used to dentures, but the headaches and myofascial pain have not. The surgeon was very clear in warning me up front that the pain might not improve with this surgery, and he was right. It seems that the 32 years I spent trying to find ways to treat this has left me with incurable scar tissue all around my jaw joints on both sides. This scar tissue affects every move I make with my face, from simple carrying on a conversation all the way up to eating. My mouth will never open as wide as it should, nor will it move from side to side. I experience pain on a daily basis, sometimes in my jaw joint areas and more often all over my head. It hurts to talk on the phone for more than 15 minutes. Singing causes such pain I have almost completely given it up…

I suppose all of this is to warn ya’ll that I’ll need some major art therapy before I begin my chicken soup journey, so there will be lots of posts today. My prescription for this pain storm includes no talking, no smiling, and efforts to remain calm, quiet, and peaceful. May these kinds of journeys be easier for you than they are for me. 🙂