Monsanto Lab On Lockdown After Scientists Find Shattered Tomato Containment Unit

http://www.theonion.com/article/monsanto-lab-lockdown-after-scientists-find-shatte-52171

The laboratory, which handles nearly all of Monsanto’s agricultural production, reportedly features a wide array of state-of-the-art security systems…  As an additional precaution, sources confirmed the entire facility is buried more than 1,000 feet below the New Mexico desert…

“This tomato is adapting to our strategies,” Jarrett continued. “It’s learning.” …

“We’re running out of time,” said Klein, solemnly noting that if necessary, his entire team was prepared to stay in the underground laboratory and make the ultimate sacrifice should their containment efforts fail. “Once emergency protocols are activated, a six-hour countdown begins, at the end of which thermonuclear charges will vaporize this facility and everything within a 15-mile radius. It’ll kill us all, but better we die than let that thing get to the surface.”

He added, “May God have mercy on our souls if this thing pollinates.” …

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3 thoughts on “Monsanto Lab On Lockdown After Scientists Find Shattered Tomato Containment Unit

  1. This is what happens when you let evil corporations control your food supply. Plants outnumber us by the hundreds of trillions, and once they gain awareness, it is game over for us mammals. It is already happening. Be afraid.

    Liked by 2 people

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