Earlier this week, on the spur of the moment, I decided to visit the ducks at the local wetlands park. While most of the ducks had no interest in visiting with me, at least none of them pooped on me. 🙂 Eventually, though, one of the ducks swam over to my side of the pond.
At first the duck seemed surprised that we could understand each other, but after the shock wore off, he was as talkative as a parrot.
Me: What’s your name?
DD: My parents named me Daffy, after the famous duck.
Me: Are there a lot of ducks in your pond named Daffy?
DD: That would be confusing, wouldn’t it? Ducks aren’t stupid, ya know. Anyway, I’m the only Daffy here.
Me: Well, thanks for talking to me, Daffy. I was just wondering if you enjoyed living in this pond?
DD: Sure, it’s cool. But…
Me: Are you concerned about something?
DD: Well, yes, I overheard another visitor reading that sign over there to his young son. And it warns people not to drink the water. So how come it’s hazardous for humans to drink this water but not for ducks?
Me: That’s a good question, but I’m sorry, I don’t know the answer. Is the water making you sick?
DD: How should I know, I’m just a duck! (Achoooo!) Got any bread?
Me: Bless you. No bread today, but I’ll bring some next time.
DD: Got any Claritin-D?
Me: Don’t I wish.
DD: Wait, you’re not looking for a holiday dinner, are you?
Me: Don’t worry, Daffy, I’ve never eaten a duck. But I do love chicken.
DD: Chickens suck. Most of them are quacks. (I mean, doctors.)
DD: Well, since you don’t have any food, I gotta go look for some. Later gator.
Me: Do you know any alligators? Would you ask if any are interested in being interviewed?
DD: Sure, lady, some of my best friends are alligators. (Not!) Remember, alligators are not your friends.
Me: Can I come back and visit you?
DD: Only if you come offering gifts.
Me: Any requests?
DD: Nut roll.