They travel in pairs. Always men; never any women. Mostly young; never old. They always wear a uniform — button-up shirts and ties with dark pants. In big cities like Houston, you can see them on bicycles, but mostly they travel on foot. You can spot them in almost every city — even Albuquerque.
For the first time, a pair of Mormons approached me as I was taking pictures (of a spider) at another apartment complex. One was about 19 years old, tall and thin. The other was short, maybe early thirties, and black.
See, it’s true, black Mormons do exist.
They mentioned living at this apartment complex, and I said it was better (and more expensive) than mine, especially how they maintained the property. The older man said he used to be a property manager and he thought they could do a better job. For traveling salesmen selling religion, they sure live in a nice place.
The black Mormon mentioned El Paso, but also said he used to live in Austin. I said I was from Houston and asked if he got to see the bluebonnets in Austin. He said no, but that was before he turned his life around and found religion. I said, well, I don’t believe in religion and I love bluebonnets. That was when he cautiously moved closer to see the spider I was photographing, although I don’t think he was a nature lover.
Fairly early on, I told the gentlemen that they were wasting their time talking to me, as I was an atheist. The young one said, no problem, we respect all beliefs. I said, you respect my lack of religious belief? Cool. He said they wanted a chance to tell the story of their beliefs, and I told him I had already heard the story from every religion — that’s why I was an atheist.
It wasn’t until I got home that I thought of about a dozen questions I could have asked them:
Where are the women missionaries selling the Mormon religion? Has any female Mormon ever received their own planet in the afterlife, or is that only for men? Do women have to wear magic underwear, too?
Did the black Mormon miss caffeine? Do Mormons want to free the leaf? About how many people do they convert in a month? Do missionaries have sales goals they have to meet? What’s the penalty for not meeting these sales goals? Do they visit and convert homeless people and drug addicts?
I would have welcomed a bud salesperson approaching me, but I’m unlucky that way. I get the salesmen selling religion. The good news is that I’m now prepared for my next encounter. 🙂
(Memes found on Facebook God’s website.)