They travel in pairs. Always men; never any women. Mostly young; never old. They always wear a uniform — button-up shirts and ties with dark pants. In big cities like Houston, you can see them on bicycles, but mostly they travel on foot. You can spot them in almost every city — even Albuquerque.

For the first time, a pair of Mormons approached me as I was taking pictures (of a spider) at another apartment complex. One was about 19 years old, tall and thin. The other was short, maybe early thirties, and black.

See, it’s true, black Mormons do exist.

They mentioned living at this apartment complex, and I said it was better (and more expensive) than mine, especially how they maintained the property. The older man said he used to be a property manager and he thought they could do a better job. For traveling salesmen selling religion, they sure live in a nice place.

The black Mormon mentioned El Paso, but also said he used to live in Austin. I said I was from Houston and asked if he got to see the bluebonnets in Austin. He said no, but that was before he turned his life around and found religion. I said, well, I don’t believe in religion and I love bluebonnets. That was when he cautiously moved closer to see the spider I was photographing, although I don’t think he was a nature lover.

Fairly early on, I told the gentlemen that they were wasting their time talking to me, as I was an atheist. The young one said, no problem, we respect all beliefs. I said, you respect my lack of religious belief? Cool. He said they wanted a chance to tell the story of their beliefs, and I told him I had already heard the story from every religion — that’s why I was an atheist.

It wasn’t until I got home that I thought of about a dozen questions I could have asked them:

Where are the women missionaries selling the Mormon religion? Has any female Mormon ever received their own planet in the afterlife, or is that only for men? Do women have to wear magic underwear, too?

Did the black Mormon miss caffeine? Do Mormons want to free the leaf? About how many people do they convert in a month? Do missionaries have sales goals they have to meet? What’s the penalty for not meeting these sales goals? Do they visit and convert homeless people and drug addicts?

I would have welcomed a bud salesperson approaching me, but I’m unlucky that way. I get the salesmen selling religion. The good news is that I’m now prepared for my next encounter. 🙂

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(Memes found on Facebook God’s website.)

10 thoughts on “Accosted By Religion

  1. My brother’s fiancée was raised Mormon. I didn’t know much about that particular sect of Christianity and was shocked at the oppression of women, down to their post-secondary education. My brother helped her break away and she was promptly disowned for dating outside of and going against her religion.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wouldn’t mind being disowned for religious reasons. 🙂 And I’m sure there are plenty of folks who suffer from medical conditions that also end up being disowned by their religion. One of the things I really dislike about religion: all the shame.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. They can be pretty brazen. I used to live in a remote spot in Upstate NY where I never got single Trick or Treater in 16 years. But I got the JWs on a regular basis–often the same two little old ladies.

    One time they caught me sitting naked at my kitchen table. You think that would have made them a little more reticent but no, another time they even let themselves into my kitchen and left literature on the floor. I discovered this literature when entering my house with groceries only to slip and nearly fall on the pamphlets. Needless to say I was pissed. The next time they came I informed them that breaking and entering is a crime even when Jesus and Santa Claus do it, only Santa doesn’t leave papers on my floor where I can slip and fall on them.

    It is a measure of how determined they are that the little old ladies came out to my place 3 days after one of the worst ice/snow storms we had in 20 years where the dirt road to my house was covered in ice and the phone and power lines were almost touching the ground in spots from the ice weighing them down. There was a huge tree lying across the road with just enough room to drive underneath it, but they did it. Even the Verizon crew was scared to come up that road.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha. I don’t care for any religious vendors. I am like Target Number One for the disciples of Christ and the Personal Representatives of Jesus Christ. Did you read the Mormon’s name tags? They actually read Personal Representative of Jesus Christ. I like to tell them I’m a heathen, a pagan, and quite happily so. I have no idea why I make such a good target. My friend, good Catholic, likes to invite them in and have enlightening conversations. I do not.
    I am not a Christian, maybe I give off an unbeliever’s aura? I look unsaved? I go to the Unitarian Church where the doctrine is all about love and seeking truth and stuff like that.
    I much prefer spiders to those who seek to convert me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. They’re annoying. That’s fine if they want to believe in God but I don’t like that they try selling it to other people. A bud salesman? Imagine if they just came up to you at Walmart? They always try selling me tamales in the Walmart parking lot. The religious people who always target me without fail are Jehovah’s Witnesses. They track me down when I’m putting gas in my car, buying groceries, at my house, my former apt. One time they came to my grandma’s house when my son was 3 or 4. I didn’t want to be rude but I had just woken up. They were talking and talking while I was half asleep. My son peed by their feet and I was like I REALLY gotta go now! I’ve listened to what they have to say on several occasions and it’s not for me. I’m baptized Catholic but I never went through with the communion or confirmation. I’ve gone to the Kingdom Hall (Jehovah’s Witness place of worship) but it wasn’t for me. I’ve also gone to different Christian churches. My boyfriend is Jewish but he doesn’t practice anymore. He asked me if I would convert but I don’t know yet. It’s pretty much opposite of everything I was taught. I believe in God and Jesus Christ but I no longer attend church anymore. I know people at work and even family who are evil human beings yet they attend church every Sunday.

    Liked by 1 person

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