Let’s talk about victimhood

Mr. Cushman’s reply to this post:


Opinionated Man
Submitted on 2015/07/02 at 6:06 pm
I do live with chronic pain. You missed the mark again. Thanks again for linking to my blog. Have a great life as you swim in your victimhood. ūüôā

Since I hadn’t read any posts by Mr. Cushman mentioning chronic pain, and a Google search for his blog and “chronic pain” brings up very little, yes, it looks like I “missed the mark.” ¬†However, Mr. Cushman recently brought his medical condition into the light:


Good for him. ¬†But today we’re not discussing¬†Opinionated Man. ¬†Today, we’re going to talk about victimhood.

Mr. Cushman obviously uses this term as a put down, although I don’t see it as one. ¬†Yes, I am a victim of chronic pain — have been for 30 years. ¬†But being labeled a victim is just a fact, not something I’m embarrassed or ashamed about.

But I’ve read about plenty of other victims, like those who have experienced violence or rape, who believe they are partly to blame for their victimhood. ¬†This, of course, is incorrect — the blame belongs on the person who perpetrated the crime, not the victim of it. ¬†Victims who feel shame and blame themselves are only reacting to both the nature of the crime and the criminal’s efforts to make the victims believe they are partly responsible. ¬†I believe that’s called transference — a way for the criminals to believe they really aren’t bad people.

I wish I had someone to blame for my chronic pain, but even if I did, I don’t see how that would help or change things. ¬†As Blahpolar recently said: ¬†“It is what it is.”

Sure, there are people who revel in playing the victim — who “swim” in their victimhood. ¬†But pain, whether it’s mental or physical, is very hard to deal with — and some people turn that around and use it to their advantage, seeking and enjoying¬†the attention they receive in return for all their suffering. ¬†That’s just how they choose to deal with their pain.

I don’t think that describes me, or what I choose to post on my blog. ¬†Sure, I feel sorry for myself from time to time. ¬†After all, I’m only human and I’m in a lot of unrelieved pain. ¬†It took decades to finally accept the fact that my pain is here to stay, and there’s nothing I can do about that. ¬†I like to think of myself as a survivor of chronic pain, but I had to be a victim first before I became a survivor. ¬†However,¬†I don’t always feel like a survivor — there are plenty of times when¬†I “swim” in my victimhood. ¬†It’s a day-to-day, minute-to-minute sort of thing. ¬†And I accept that fact too.

I know there are plenty of people who believe that being a victim is a bad and shameful¬†thing. I just don’t happen to be one of those people.

If you don't comment, I'll just assume you agree with me

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