Sure, you can ignore scammers and automatically delete their emails without a second thought… My mailbox is over the limit and I must click here? Delete. My nonexistent PayPal account needs updating? Delete. Or…
I’ve been redirecting the anger caused by my constant pain to email scammers, with replies like this: “Freaking scammer. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time, asshole?” But why be angry at a stranger, even if it is a scumbag? Perhaps it would be better to just have some fun?
So here are some replies I will be using in the future. Please feel free to copy and paste to your heart’s content — there’s no copyrighted material on my blog. It’s free for everyone to use.
1. When was the last time you bathed? Dude, I can smell you through my internet connection.
2. Stop picking your nose. It’s tacky and disgusting. (And while you’re at it, try trimming your nose hair.)
3. What is that smell? Did you just fart? Good thing you live alone in the basement.
4. Have you heard of the new email tracer app?
5. Just sent your email address to the new Scammer Database in Washington, D.C.
6. I’ve connected Skype to my inbox, so whenever I open an email from you, I can see who’s sitting in front of your computer screen.
And for all the poets out there:
Email is free
Malware is too
Just sent you a virus
I’ll bet you wish
you had a real job
Instead you’re just
a naked scammer named Bob
Roses are red
violets are blue
you’re causing me distress
I think I’ll sue
Just sent you the flu!