My latest pain storm doesn’t seem to want to go away. It’s like my pain is telling me that this is the new normal. And I’m not sure what to do about that.
I did some reading on Trigeminal Neuralgia , since I now believe I also suffer from that condition. Reading about the symptoms of this condition in the past made me think it didn’t apply to me, but most descriptions do not include the kind of nerve and facial pain that develop after a head injury. And I believe both my TMJ and TN were initially caused by a head injury I suffered from when I was a gymnast. Here are some links that I found interesting:
Funny how researchers and doctors describe TN as the Suicide Disease, and Wikipedia says it’s one of the most painful conditions known to humankind, yet it’s not a condition that’s covered by Social Security Disability:
At this point, it’s not like I have a lot of options. It would be a lot cheaper to see a doctor who takes Medicare than to attempt renewal in the Medical Cannabis Program. But both of those options appear to be dead ends to me.
I’m not interested in surgical or invasive treatments for either condition, so prescription medications are what I can expect from a doctor. But I’ve tried them all and the chance that a doctor would prescribe the ones that work for me are almost zero. Of course, I can also expect to be treated like a drug seeker and be forced to pee in a cup and sign a pain contract, along with being entered into a PDMP database. And probably even more useless, painful, and expensive tests. Anyway, I prefer cannabis to prescription medications, but I can afford prescriptions, while I can’t afford the monthly cost of cannabis in this state.
The only other option I can think of is to head down to the part of town where I heard they sell drugs on the street corner, including bud. And it’s not like this would be the riskiest thing I’ve ever done to help manage my pain, but I would really hate spending money on crappy bud or bud that’s been mixed with other chemicals. I really thought that moving to New Mexico meant that I wouldn’t have to take any more risks, but this isn’t the first time I’ve been wrong.
I’ve thought about going down to the local Social Security office and asking them for help. But seriously, what can they do? Give me money? A day spent at the Social Security office sounds pretty painful to me.
So, I don’t know what to do. I just know that these pain levels are kicking my ass. And it appears there’s nothing I can do about it, which makes me feel both helpless and hopeless. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way, and I guess it won’t be the last. But I’m so damn weary…