This is Insomnia

Lay down at 2am for half an hour, no sleep forthcoming.

Get up and vacuum, try to wear yourself out.

Collapse on the couch at 3am and wait for sleep. Meditation mantra: Relax your face, relax your face, relax your face…

Awake at 4:30am, with the buzzing in your feet so strong, it seems like it should be audible. (Has it become audible? How could I tell over the high-pitched ringing in my ears?)

Suck on a few grapes (yum) and lay back down. Some deep breathing exercises, smell the watermelon fragrance oil next to the bed, try not to think of the lack of dollar signs in your checking account…

It’s 6am and you awaken with uncomfortably dry lips. Without getting out of bed, you reach for the orange-flavored chapstick and a tic tac. Okay, let’s try this again…

Meditation mantra becomes: Relax your freaking face or the lack of sleep will kill you…

It’s a cloudless sunrise… Should I try again?

At 8am, get up and take “legal” allergy medicine with some aspirin. (Gotta take aspirin with lots of water.)

Okay, I can’t be positive, but I think I slept from 10am to 12pm… When I was on opioid therapy, I had lots of dreams (and some nightmares). And my dreams were in color, too. After opioid therapy, I didn’t have any dreams, or at least any dreams I could remember. Then I started with medical cannabis, and during that year, some of my dreams came back. Not as colorful, but I could remember some of them. Now, I’m back to not having any dreams, and so it’s often hard to tell if I’ve really slept or not.

After a trip to the bathroom, a few more grapes (and okay, a few slices of Boar’s Head white American cheese), I think I was able to get a few more hours of “sleep.”

And now I’m still tired… go figure 🙂

4 thoughts on “This is Insomnia

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